Conversation recorded July 2024
Work-life balance is a lie. Chasing it is one of the fastest ways to stress yourself out, because it assumes life will hold still long enough to be evenly divided. It won't.
In conversation with Andre Young. Andre is a leadership trainer, speaker and author, and the founder of You Evolving Now, helping organisations build better cultures and better relationships between leaders and their people. He grew up in inner-city Philadelphia, runs two businesses and is a dad of four.
Balance assumes everyone needs the same from you
Andre doesn't pretend to have balance. Four children aged four to 24, two companies and a heavy travel schedule make that impossible. What he has instead is harmony: knowing what each person in his life needs most from him right now, and stretching a little outside his comfort zone to give it, without going so far that he ends up resenting them. Sometimes that means playing a game of pretend jobs with his four year old while he's still finishing an agreement for a client.
"Balance assumes that everybody needs the same amount of things from you at the same time, and that's not true." Andre Young
Self-awareness takes the sting out of feedback
When Andre works with leadership teams, he describes five types of leader before he ever mentions strengths or weaknesses, so nobody attaches shame or guilt to their type. Only then does he share the pros and the concerns of each. Great leaders can flex into all five, but most of us have one or two at our core.
"Once you know who you are, once you know who your people are, we don't have to take things personally anymore." Andre Young
Take the problem to the doctor
As a growing business, Andre hit cash flow pressure that his team needed to know about. His approach: be honest about the issue, reassure people about what it doesn't affect, share his own ideas, then ask for theirs. Being the leader doesn't mean your idea is the best one in the room. His one golden rule for his team is simple: bring a suggested solution with every problem.
Get my life together Saturday
Once a month, Andre suggests half an hour with a coffee and a pen. List every role you play: partner, parent, friend, leader, colleague. Score yourself out of 10 in each, without overthinking it. Then write one sentence on what would move each score up by one or two. Nobody sees it but you, which is exactly why it works.
"If you're leader enough to ask, you need to be leader enough to listen." Andre Young
Petra's take
We talked about the oxygen mask, and I'll be honest: I think the "put yours on first" message doesn't match real life for most parents, and for a lot of women. Usually we're putting masks on everyone at the same time. Andre's answer was the useful bit: maybe your mask isn't first, but is it in the plan at all? Harmony isn't a softer word for balance. It's a more honest one. And leaders who model it, out loud, give their teams permission to stop pretending they've got it all evenly split.
Three things to try this week
Do your own role scores. Rate yourself out of 10 in every role you play, and write one action to move each up a point.
Ask one person the "get great" question: what do you need most from me right now? Then listen without defending.
Put yourself in your calendar. One non-negotiable slot for you, with an alert, so your oxygen mask is in the plan before you need it.
Bring this to your team: explore our Leadership training
Watch the full conversation on YouTube
Related insights: Burnout Isn't Being Run Down · Can Law Firms Put Mental Health First?
About the author. Petra Velzeboer is a psychotherapist, keynote speaker and author of Begin With You and Digital Wellbeing. She works with leaders and People teams to build healthy cultures where people perform at their best.